I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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