So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
