dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
