lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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