How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
