If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
