My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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