i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
