i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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