Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
