actually, I'm a sock model
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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