I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
