I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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