this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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