During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love you.
Bad choice
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