I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
