I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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