Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
