one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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