O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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