I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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