im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
