Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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