do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
