I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
where does the pee come out of this thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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