a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
