just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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