dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
