So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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