I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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