Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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