I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
