We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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