It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
