I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm really busy with my period
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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