Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
