Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
