So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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