Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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