1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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