This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
