Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
