i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
