There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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