Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
