god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
