my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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