It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
