I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
