booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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