I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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