big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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