Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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