I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize