I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
