better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
