I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
