Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
