There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You don't make any sense
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