fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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