I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
