the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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