the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
