What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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