Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
