he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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