Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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