she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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